I guess Jeff said it best the other day. “We are living in increments of minutes” “It’s like our life revolves around 15 minutes.”
So many people have called/text/messaged/FB’d/asking “How is Saul?” and “Is Saul feeling better?” I reply with the same exact response every time “We had a few really rough weeks… but he seems to be doing better.”
The truth is… when most folks see him or see the most recent pictures of him they say “Saul looks great” or “Looks like he’s feeling a whole lot better” and it’s true. He is starting to “look” and “act” like our old Saul the problem… and what I don’t say… is that it’s a full time, 24 hour, non-stop mission to keep him “looking and feeling good.”
We literally are living minute by minute. In a matter of what seems like seconds his blood sugar will spike or plummet by the hundreds… and when it does… it’s bad. If he runs too much… it drops… if he doesn’t eat all of a snack… it drops… if we give him one too many carbs… it spikes.
It is a constant chore of monitoring behavior, environment, food intake, activities and most importantly his glucose levels. It’s a job I’m not sure anyone is qualified to do… yet… someone has too. Right now that someone is me... well (lest I not give credit where credit is due… Mom and Jeff… especially Mom) have had equal share in the responsibilities.
Last night I went out to eat with some good friends…. It was a breath of fresh air getting out of the house and away from everything for just a little while. It really made me miss work, long to see folks and chat about “stuff.” As Kim was driving me home I thought to myself… It won’t be long before I’m back in the groove… back to the same ole same ole routine of planning, and meetings, ordering… books and kids… and then… in a matter of minutes… I left the bliss of “fresh air” and walked back into reality… back to living a life in increments of minutes… facing a stressed Mom, frustrated Jeff… wild Harper and sick Saul… BG levels… spiking… 418.
*sigh* “It was fun while it lasted.”
Both Jeff and Mom will read this then confront me with “you don’t think we can take care of him the way you can or you think it was our fault” and that’s not what I’m saying… I observe the daily struggle of handling his ups and downs… but I’m not sure the rest of the world does… or that they understand what we’ve been doing every minute of every day since January 28th.
The hardest part of diabetes is not the continuous insulin injections or glucose checks- it’s the monotonous day to day - night to night battle of “monitoring.” Life is now a regimented routine of checks, counts, scales and data analysis- any and all factors can affect the ultimate outcome… including me going out for a few hours with friends.
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