Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The smell of insulin reminds me of home


A couple weeks ago I was fortunate enough to finally and I guess “officially” meet Ashley Willian.  I must say, she is as awesome in person as she is in “cyber form.” I’m sure she won’t mind me mentioning this to the world – as I’ve come to somewhat rely on her for every random diabetic thought/question or concern that pops into my head.  I often refer to her as my FB/texting diabetic guru guide.  She along with Jennifer (our Medtronic nurse) keep me sane at times of frustration.
Like…
Say…
When we have an awful experience inserting the CGM... only to have Saul yank it out 10 min after getting it in... forcing me to go through the entire process again…
When for no reason Saul has days of crazy highs followed by nights of crazy lows…

They're also the folks I channel when life is good, and normal.
Like…
Say…
When Saul sleeps through the night and wakes up at 150…
When we have a successful- no (or few tears) CGM insertion…
When he spends the day at the pool swimming and his numbers are good …

Diabetes still sucks and will continue to suck. It’s inconvenient… and expensive… and annoying… and l could spend all day making lists of nasty adjectives but will spare you to say this.
Thanks to diabetes I have managed to become a member of the diabetes parenting club which technically makes me an honorary member of the diabetes club… and while I’ve joined many an organization in my day I’m here to say… this club is like no other.
There's no rite of passage just automatic acceptance, support, guidance and shared experience. A place to express anger over high’s and lows, where sharing recipes, tips and tricks is the norm. A safe space where you can cry over an A1C, laugh about your random carb counting expertise (a useless skill to the rest of the world) and seek advice outside the walls of the medical community. Where it doesn't matter if you're injecting or pumping... cause when it comes to diabetes we all rely on the same thing.


The smell of insulin reminds me of home.
It was a random comment made in passing by Ashley in reference to her sister (who is a nurse and was nostalgically joking ) when we were talking about the effect diabetes has on family members.
It’s been stuck in my head now for weeks.
I like it.
It’s a good enough phrase to be the title of a book… or at least a chapter of a book... or for now just a silly old blog post.
This is especially for members of my D-family… those who’ve come to know and love the smell of insulin just as much as me.
Ashley and Matt, Danielle, Josie and Rachel, Mary, Emily and Dana, CH, Suzanne and Ashley…


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Diabetes Sucks.

As promised… okay… well… maybe not.
Diabetes sucks.
Period.
Sure, there are a lot of things in life that suck. But right now… Diabetes is on my #1 list of ultimate things that suck.
Anyone out there tell me why… why would your blood sugar level rise into the 300s from 1:00 a.m. – 4:00 a.m.?  after insulin… even when you’ve had no food for hours… when the insertion site has been checked and changed… when there is no evidence of fever, illness, teething?.......... Why?



Why?




Because diabetes sucks.
That’s why.
Because diabetes likes to keep me up at night.
Because diabetes likes to keep me guessing.
Likes to keep me frustrated.
Likes to keep reminding me that we’re both in a constant struggle to control poor little buddy’s body.
And right now… unfortunately…. diabetes is winning.

I’m not complaining that I have to stay up at night taking care of him- I like to think of it as “late night bonding” but if it were up to me… I’d rather it be over popcorn and Pixar movies.
It’s not so say everything is bad right now. I am purposely planning out special “things” for us to do so that I remind myself- life is not just about sticking fingers, counting carbs and needle insertions. For proof- I posted some pics on Facebook yesterday.   
*Related note about the aforementioned pics* For those out there who may have diabetic toddlers, hungry dogs… or weird kids that like to eat inedible objects… try to avoid crafts that involve peanut butter, bird seed and pinecones because apparently it’s an irresistible combination.  
Recently it occurred to me (in the midst of EH assisting me with Saul) that this experience is not only forging a bond between Saul and I, but also creating a unique relationship between Harper and I and an undeniable, unexplainable connection between EH and Saul, one that can be witnessed in the wee hours of the morning as she runs through the house (on her own accord) searching for his bop-bop to pacify his incessant crying- one that is evident as she gently holds down his arms and caringly whispers to him “I’m here little buddy.. . it’s okay… just look at me… don’t watch Mommy… just look at me” as I insert yet another needle into his tiny belly.

 It’s sweet. It’s sad. It’s life as we know it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The title says it all.

No Sebulsky here means crutch is gone... and forced to learn on my own. Yuck. I'm the one with the shirt that reads "DOES NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS WELL" (especially when it comes to stupid technical manuals)

Sorry for the re-print only pic I have of new CGM and this was right after insertion before transmitter was on. It's not as bad as it looks. Well... I'm not the one with the cannula in my stomach...

What I should be doing instead of this.

Underwhelmed by me Overwhelmed
I could post the title and call it a day.
I blame Christian Grey, lack of sleep, EH’s sneaky attempt to hide candy through the house, my lack of good parenting for the past 2 days (again… Mr. Grey), dealing with CGM, dealing with CGM setting off alarms every blessed second, Saul’s BG’s on a roller coaster of ridiculous high’s and lows like I’ve not seen in weeks which in turn sets off the stupid CGM alarm seriously… EVERY BLESSED SECOND (again… EH & the candy stash to blame? Mr. Grey taking my attention away from locating unknown candy stash?), endless to-do lists, learning MySentry, handling my feelings of ultimate guilt for not being in the library the last week of school, crying over poor Saul’s marred body – his sad looking butt covered in bruises and raised spots- the tips of his fingers dotted in dark brown spots from the 20 some BG checks a day, mentally beating myself up when I don’t have the house spotless and dinner prepared on time each night like clockwork, the laundry, the dishes, the Doctors apts, the constant Pharmacy refill calls….
See I told you this post was underwhelming.
Blah.
Ha.
I promise something better... something funnier…. something picture-ery soon.




Thursday, May 3, 2012

Oh. I loathe you One Touch Ultra... and I will seek revenge.

My brother’s skepticism, love of data and concern for his nephew has in turn, unleashed an anger raging deep inside me – one that I’ve quietly been bottling up for some time now.

I’ve justified and accepted the relationship and situation. I’ve likened it to that of symbiosis. There is definitely a mutual interest…  They need me in order to survive and thrive in the economic market of diabetic sales... I need them for their supplies to keep Saul alive and healthy.  
This is what started it all. Initially (like most of the commenter’s) I too got caught up in the commentary and arguments between those with T1 and T2 and the criticisms of the author. 
He is however, correct in his ascertain that diabetic individuals are being scammed and taken advantage of by pharmaceutical & insurance companies.
And here in lies my personal dilemma. The once “action-oriented, take-them-out, fight till the death Grimes” has morphed into the “passive, throws hands in the air, just live with it Grimes.”
If you didn’t read the article here’s the jist. Diabetics are reliant upon several “things” - the majority of which are consumable products. 
1.       Insulin (if you use injection therapy you must you 2 types- if you use pump therapy you use 1 type).
2.       Supplies to deliver insulin (ex. Syringes, pen needles, alcohol wipes and or things like insulin pump reservoirs, insertion sets, tegraderm)
3.       Glucose meter & supplies (lancing device, lancets, test strips)
Fact about all of the above:
1.       These consumables are used on a daily basis
2.    They are all exorbitantly overpriced

The article (and the main source of my frustration) focuses on the latter… ridiculously high priced glucose meter supplies… mainly the test strips.
It’s no surprise that the most successful companies figure out how to gain an angle on the market and for those in the glucose monitoring business it’s not in the design, quality or cost of a meter. I was pumped to leave the hospital with 2 meters… thought they were being nice to us… giving us a break only to find out while browsing the diabetic aisle at Wal-Mart I could purchase the same exact product for $19.99. Sure – I’m all about saving $40… but what they won’t give out, what YOU have to buy, what costs a fortune out of pocket and what insurance companies determine how many you receive and when... are the test strips. Next time you’re bored browse the “diabetic” aisle at Wal-mart or your local pharmacy. Generally you’ll find the test strips “locked up” with a nice over the counter price tag of $50-75 dollars a bottle. Even with insurance we end up paying 20% of that price.
The first month Saul was diagnosed and we were attempting to check a 16 month olds BG’s 10-15 times a day… we blew through those suckers pretty dag on quick.
1.       We were checking 10-15 times a day
2.       We were checking a 16 month old… so come on… holding him down, keeping him steady and trying to draw blood was a wee bit difficult
3.       We received half as many “ERROR TEST STRIP READING”s as we did successful readings. (Those of you in the diabetic community “give a shout out” you know exactly what I'm talking about)
That was when we were using the Accu-chek meter which I highly prefer over Medtronic’s One Touch meter that we now HAVE to use (because of course… it and only it “works” with the system….).  Okay sure we can manually enter all BG’s taken by another meter into his pump… but seriously… do I have time to do that? Especially when you’re talking about 10 times a day?
Ironically it just so happens that with the One Touch meter we get even more error readings.
“ERROR PROBLEM WITH TEST STRIP OR NOT ENOUGH BLOOD.” I scream profanities (in my head of course) every time I see this because....
SERIOUSLY…. WTH!!!…. SAUL AND I ARE COVERED IN BLOOD…. HIS FINGERS’ DRIPPING ALL OVER MY COUCH…. IT’S YOUR PROBLEM ONE TOUCH ULTRA... YOUR PROBLEM TEST STRIP… NOT MINE… THERE’S ENOUGH FREAKING BLOOD… SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO BLAME ME…. !@#%^&^%$#@&@#$%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So like I was saying… “they” know… oh “they know” and “I” know I can’t do anything about it… except count my blessings I’m not dealing with something worse… be thankful I have insurance in the first place… try to stttrrrreeecccchhhh them out until the date (which is brightly marked on my calendar) that tells me...yes… yes.. now Humana will allow you to go to the Pharmacy and get more test strips, and of course meanwhile, convince Jeff we should quit our jobs, sell our house and move to Europe... where we wouldn't have to deal with this crap.
We learned a hard lesson that first month… when we almost… almost ran out. We got down to half a bottle… so I called up Rite Aide ony to be told by the Pharmacist… "oh… you’ll have to wait on those, Humana won’t cover those until the end of the week."
(*umm… excuse me? )
*yeah… they only cover the cost for _________ days
(*umm… excuse me?)
*well… you can always purchase them OTC…. But you might not want too… they’re pretty expensive _____$$$$$$$
(*umm… excuse me?)


I wasn’t satisfied so I called Humana myself. And they basically verbatim gave me the same (schpeel).
(*umm… excuse me?)  at which point I went ahead and added !^*&#$^*!*&$  (in my head of course… ) and then a little (*right. right. I get it… you only cover like 10 strips a day… but I’m checking like 15 times a day… and you realize that most of them say ERROR and then I have to start again… and I’m blowing through them… and I have to have them… and… and… and… and… and)
As you might have guessed… I still had to wait until the end of the week… used the last dag on test strip we had on Solly while waiting in line to be checked out at the Rite Aide Pharmacy picking up the brand new batch.


Oh… and did I happen to mention all of this “stuff” has a shelf life? So yeah… my attempt at hoarding these things is for not. Although… in case of a zombie apocalypse or  the chance that my family might be the only survivors of the Mayan prediction… you better believe I’ll be busting in to some Pharmacies and grabbing my fair share of test strips.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Seriously... someone needs to start paying me for this stuff...

So. EH is at Mimi's today. Saul is napping. I'm supposed to be working... Working means... completing the online CGM Medtronic mylearning course then "practicing" inserting the needle in "the belly" before I practice inserting the needle in "my belly" before "really" inserting the needle in "Solly's belly."


Instead.... 

  
I started out doing pretty good.....
I even moved on to the workbook.....
It got a little overwhelming....
So I moved on to the "fun stuff"
Yeah. Umm.... maybe I won't practice on "my belly"
Yeah.... I'm definitely saving this fun for Saul...
So I get out "the belly" but this is where I get distracted....
Cause this comes to mind.... and I start thinking... maybe I should go get on the treadmill instead.....even though I limited myself to ONLY two Eggos this morning.
She/He's not the only one that needs a bath.... but I'll refrain from any further comments on that.
Instead..... I'll offer you this.
I imagine this is what the conversation will be like when CGM moves in to Insertion set's territory.
I'm thinking he may not always be a team player... and will cause lots of trouble till we get a handle on him.
Meanwhile... would Medtronic hire me as a belly dresser?
I'd use this one as my "sample model"
*She wore an itsy bitsy.... teeny weeny....*

Okay... seriously refrain from comments on my "bottoms" maybe I should stick to my dayjob....



Dayjob.... Oh wait... Yeah... Job... Working... What am I supposed to be doing again?