Mantra



 

When I taught H.S. I kept this quote taped to my desk.  When I moved to the library I carried it with me.  It's more than my "favorite quote"... it's kinda like my "life quote."



 



The Hour I First Believed

It’s funny the comforts people turn to in times of tragedy and despair.  Those of faith rely on prayer and religious text.  Some folks find escape through numbing agents… alcohol, pills, etc. Others take out their stress on treadmills, concrete paths and country roads. Mom (no shock) turns to her art and creating.

I get lost in books.

If I had my choice (as if I don’t) I’d rather rely on running… well… maybe running and praying… simultaneously.

A number of events have transpired over the course of this month (not just Dad’s recent car wreck) but several conversations that have occurred and things I’ve read… it’s all kinda lead me to a point where I’m tired of writing…. especially about diabetes, but also in general (though I do have a plethora of funny stories I could tell based on the nights I stayed with Dad last week).

I’ve always said… airports and hospitals… two of my favorite places to observe, speculate and analyze the human condition.

In between my “pretend sociological research” and “pretend nurse playing,” I buried myself deep between the pages (for your imagery… I read everything on my iPhone) of the book “The Hour I First Believed.”

Wally Lamb.

Somehow… he managed to throw me a life raft.

Again.

The book is not new- been out for several years actually. I’d picked it up several times… read through chapters… set it down… repeat the process when I’d be waiting for EH at ballet or between 3 am BG checks with Saul.

This time, though, given my circumstances, I was able to devour the book in its entirety from cover to cover without stopping.

It is a fantastic read and definitely falls into the category of (if you love East of Eden… then you’ll like- the measure by which I base all books ). 

If you enjoy stories about human suffering, nature vs. nurture, family, despair, violence, hope and the ultimate quest to understand good and evil… then you will enjoy.

If you’ve already read it- I’d be curious as to your reaction- especially if you’ve read his other novels.

If you’ve not heard of Wally Lamb I’d encourage you to “google him” and read the reviews of this book, along with his others.

All I will say is that I’ve added Pablo Picasso’s print “Minotauromachy” on to my Christmas Amazon Wish list.

Oh…. and I dug out the hand-written-somewhat scribbled- Thank You letter I wrote Mr. Wally Lamb fifteen years ago… in the hour after finishing his first novel… and first believing.

November... You've been a bust.

And WV... Well... so far, so have you.

I've written before about the contentious relationship I have with my native home state.

All it takes is a walk through one of the local ER waiting rooms for me to start remembering why I left this all behind.

In the 19 hours I've been here I've witnessed an old, wheel-chair bound, cane-carrying-grandpa screaming profanities at the top of his lungs... Because "$&@*# I ain't waiting any $&@#* LONGER $&@*#"

I dodged the madness (literally) the crazy cussing geriatric swung his cane right at me... And as I passed through, I couldn't help but notice, and feel terribly sorry for the "Sea of sick people" who not only "looked" sick... but "sad" "poor" "dirty" and "hopeless."

My text to Sebulsky "Dear God I'm in that SNL skit "Appalachian ER."

Later as Mom and I were leaving we witnessed what appeared to be the "kin" of some deliverance folks... walking the parking lot. The woman wearing a hospital gown and dirty robe shot me death stares as I rolled my eyes at her "shoeless" feet.

Seriously? Seriously? You're walking the hospital parking lot barefoot? Is that legal?

Sigh.

The best...

I'm currently sitting here in the hospital room with Dad "snooping" on the neighbors... Because... What else can you do for hours upon end in a hospital room.... When I hear...

"Y'all I'm telling ya... There's days I miss the teeth... But LAH ZEE I sure ain't missing that brushin"

At which point I looked up and smiled at her and she shot me a toothless grin.

When life gets in the way of important things... like blogging.

I had such high hopes. Really. I did. (I always do).

And then… well…

Like everything else…  I somehow… just. don’t. get. things. done.

So much has happened in 2 weeks (most of it I can’t recall) due to my drug-induced-fog-like-state of being.

Finally, I broke down Tuesday morning, gave up and waved my white flag. After four  weeks of suffering through snot, sore throats, aches and chills (with none of my home (or OTC) remedies proving effective)- I called and got myself checked out by a “credible” medical professional and walked away with a script for Augmentin. Today makes day 3 of antibiotics and I finally feel like I’m half-way back to being “me.”

Tired of seeing a sad-snot-covered face, (Jeff really looked at me last week and said “yeah… our kid is that kid”) and listening to Harper hack herself to sleep each night, I broke down and took her to the Dr. as well. Tuesday made three weeks of misery for her…. she too, was put on an antibiotic.

 

I had so many plans for the month of November…. So many posts…. So many projects… So many ideas… I’ve spent the first 9 days of the month avoiding my computer, taking as many naps as possible, and accepting (and justifying) the fact that we currently reside in what should be- a condemned house.  The grog of medication and the pain from what can only be described as “the world’s worst sinus infection,” I laid in bed Tuesday and wondered if, and when, I should call “The Guinness Book of World Records.  This means the kids have been in survival mode.

Which.

Also.

Means.

That.

The following events have occurred….

*disclaimer* I would say that no children were harmed during this past week…. But, honestly… I can’t quite be sure of that.

1. On Tuesday it was just Saul and I. Somehow I managed to drift off (just for a minute I SWEAR.  I woke up to find Saul sitting on top of me with two suckers in his mouth. I looked on the floor and found 25 dog treats, Jeff’s guitar pic, a pair of Harpers panties; a tube of toothpaste, a tub of butter and 5 used dryer sheets. I’m not sure what transpired in the 5 minutes I fell asleep…. But I can assure you… Daisy (later in the afternoon) had some serious gastrointestinal issues and Saul (immediately following his candy raid) had some seriously high BG readings.

2. Somewhere between Tuesday night and Thursday morning I found piles of hair on the kitchen floor. Apparently EH helped herself to the “real scissors” and went ahead and gave herself a trim. The funny thing is… her hair looks so bad to begin with- you honestly can’t really tell… except for the fact she has “half-bangs.” literally. She has bangs on the right side but none on the left. I guess it could have been worse. When I questioned her, she got mad. She did the whole- one hand on the hip, head cock, head tilt, angry eye stare- and said… “Mom everybody knows bangs look great with a ponytail.”

Shall I continue with more stories? I guess you get the picture.

I had planned on doing a post about our first JDRF walk and the awesome team and supporters that braved the terribly cold, miserable weather to walk a few laps in honor of Saul and in hopes of a cure. No doubt that Sat morning only worsened my condition (and Harper’s as well). But I guess this is old news now.

I had planned on doing a post about our first “diabetic” Halloween. But I guess the excitement of Halloween is over and everyone’s already seen the kids’ costumes…. and… well… nobody really cares about Halloween in November, especially if your kid is diabetic… and ended up with sugar free candy and nuts. Lol.

I had planned on doing a post-a-day during the month of November because this month is “National Diabetes Awareness Month.” I was going to do a “fact” a day… or maybe “diabetic myth busters” or had even thought of encouraging you to “try to be a diabetic for a day” (you know… carb count and plan and weigh meals and factor in exercise and pretend to check your blood sugar… even through the night). Oh well… I guess I might be able to get a post or two in before Dec hits (but better not hold your breath).

I had planned on doing a post about Daylight Savings time and Diabetes… and how much I hate the two… and how diabetes complicates DLST even more… and how we still haven’t changed the clock on all the important diabetic devices… you know… the meter, MySentry, the pump… which can get really confusing… especially at night… and which I probably should be figuring out how to do now… instead of writing this stupid post…

I had planned on doing a post about the upcoming election/election results. Those of you who know me, know I’ve been awfully quiet about politics this go-around…. which is def. out of character for me.  I was gonna go all “COURTNEY GRIMES ON YOU”

I guess you know what they say…. “the best laid plans of mice and men….”

And speaking of rodents…. Harper has decided she is saving her “bird” money for a rabbit. However, anytime she brings the issue up Saul gets really mad and screams “NO TISSY. NO. MOUSE!!!!!”  and when you ask him what kind of pet he wants he says happily “Mouse!” Jeff has absolutely said “NO!” to this one… but because it kinda cracks me up, and I like to push buttons, I’ll occasionally bring it up between the three of them just to watch the aftermath.

So… there you have it… an update of the “D-days” over here at the Grimes-Sebulsky household… illness hasn’t stopped (or even slowed) the shenanigans. one. bit. at. all.

And I promise the next post will not have the following  ( . ) - …