I gotta laugh to keep from crying

I went through the Rite Aid drive through to pick up 3 RX’s for Saul - and to ask about ordering  test strips for our newly acquired meter. The girl who was checking me out was new (because I’m there every other week… I pretty much know everybody… and even if the tech’s don’t recognize me… they seem to “know Saul”).

All 4 kids were with me- and being pacified by Bubble Guppies, so I had the rare opportunity to actually “watch” everyone in the Pharmacy -scrambling to wait on folks – answering  phones and grabbing medications to hand out.  Any other day I’d be yelling at EH to put her gum back in her mouth or fumbling with buttons to turn up music for Saul… but- because I had my full attention on “people watching” I was able to witness the genuine look of sheer shock and terror as the tech rang up my bill.

Tech: “Oh. Oh. My. Um. It’s 656 dollars for your 3 scripts.”

Me: “Got it.”

Tech: “Huh? I’m so sorry.”

Me: “Oh it’s okay… I got this (hands over insurance credit-card thingy)… I’ve got insurance.”

Tech: “It’s like you didn’t even blink an eye. That really stressed me out.”

Me: “Ah… whataya gonna do? He’s gotta have insulin to live.”

She shook her head in agreement and sent the med’s my way.

I waved to a few folks who recognized me – who were working inside and mouthed “see ya in a few days!”

I chuckled as I pulled off and thought… I wish I’d gotten a picture of that ladies face to show Sebulsky.

 

 

Believe me… medical costs around here are no laughing matter. I feel like we’re up to our eyeballs in medical bills for Saul… and the funny thing is… they just keep on coming… cause we gotta keep on ordering … cause he’s gotta keep on using…  to keep on living.

Which came first...

“I just want to pet you”

Not something you typically hear (or want too-  for that matter) from those in the medical profession… like… say… your child’s pediatric endocrinologist.

(I won’t lie… sometimes I wonder who’s crazier… I guess that’s why I like her so much).

That… and… well… she gives great hugs.  

I saw this shirt today on Pinterest.

 

It made me chuckle.

It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me- or who has lived with me, that I might just have a “touch” of anxiety. Accepting the position as Saul’s full-time pancreas has in no way helped this pre-existing condition. In fact, as you might have guessed it’s only worsened the situation.

It kinda all hit on Wednesday at our 3 month A1C checkup when the apt seemed to be more about me and the state of my mental health than Saul.

“You guys are doing everything right.”

-          “But the seizures… they were so… bad”

“He’s a typical type 1 toddler”

-          “But his numbers are all over the place”

“It’s really hard at this age… but you’re doing beautifully”

-          “But food… food is awful… it’s a huge issue in our house”

“You have to start getting sleep. You need to sleep. If we have to run him high we will…. You need sleep.”

-          “But the lows… THE LOWS!!!”

“You have to see that you guys are doing all you can do, it get’s easier… it will get easier.”

 

*sigh*

A1C – 7.9 (great, thumbs up, keep it up)

Weight – 28 lbs (growing… that’s good)

Height- Can’t remember… (but growing… that’s good)

Blood pressure- don’t remember… (but fine… no worries)

Development- right on track

Attitude- typical crazy 2 year toddler (diabetic or not) as evidenced by the screamed NO’s and light-switch temper tantrum.

*sigh*

It’s not endless finger sticks, not blood, not injecting harpoon needles into thin skin, untangling pump tubing…

Right now. At this very moment… it’s the toll diabetes is taking on my mental health. It’s the crazy nature of the beast…. That you can try and try for perfect BG’s and never get them… you can go to sleep one night with excellent BG’s and wake up the next morning to a hypo seizure… it’s the constant worry (no matter how much I try to not think about) of future complications… eyes, amputations, kidney dialysis…

I put Saul down for a nap today and I gave him a cuddle and a squeeze.

Me: “Saul you okay?”

Saul: “Uh-Huh”

Me: “You feeling okay?”

Saul: “Uh-Huh”

Me: “Is Mommy okay?

Saul: “No. Mommy crrrraaaazzzzy”

Yep. That just about sums it up.

 

Oh 2013... I'm not going down without a fight.

As many of you know, 2012 was somewhat of a "difficult" year for the Grimes-Sebulsky family.

 

Not just my immediate family- but my extended family also faced a number of medical difficulties -including my Aunt's diagnosis and battle with breast cancer.

 

I had have high hopes for 2013... I'm working on my attitude and showing more gratitude. I'm trying to focus on positives and give back to all those who have given to me- because if 2012 taught me anything... it's that I was blessed to have received love, support, clothes, time, food, money, help and prayers. 2013 will be my year of reciprocation.

 

And... though the past two mornings have been extremely difficult for our family. I refuse to let diabetes take total control of our lives in 2013.

 

Saul has experienced two- severe hypoglycemic seizure-like episodes two mornings in a row.

 

I can only pray that none of my family or close friends ever witness what takes place- their hearts would break into a million pieces to see him suffering and so out of control. I feel for all the mothers and fathers of epileptic children who endure way more than what we have witnessed.

 

The first episode took place New Year’s Day. Jeff was asleep in our bedroom- EH and I asleep in the guest bedroom- Saul had gone to sleep in his bed. Jeff was the one who actually woke me up- yelling "Get in here! Come Quick!" Apparently he had heard Saul cry out... he looked in his bed, looked to see if he was with me, and was running through the house ... he found Saul lying face-down in the playroom- totally out of it.

 

Jeff and I both think lil Buddy was trying to treat his low by getting to his emergency juice on the back porch... but didn't make it. We didn’t use glucagon on him- got him up and able to drink juice- an hour later he was back to dino- dancing, car zooming and driving EH crazy.

 

This morning- (for me) - has been the worst episode to date. Jeff and I both rushed in to his bedroom to find him (either coming out of a little seizure like episode or getting ready to go into one). He was shaking uncontrollably, pupils fully dilated- he was out of it- but breathing, I held him while Jeff poured the juice down. Again- we didn't use glucagon... after 2 juices he stopped shaking and stopped crying out. After 1/4 cup of lucky charm marshmallows he was talking and laughing.

 

Because Jeff was here with me and we were dealing with it together... I think I was more upset and allowed myself to get more worked up and scared. I know this is ridiculous... but in the moment, when he has little to- no control over his body, and he sucks down a 15 carb juice in 15 seconds... I want to see immediate action... and well... it didn't happen this morning... and I just want control. I want to control him and control his body and his brain and well... I guess I should be more focused on my own actions and behaviors during a crisis situation.

 

I'm so curious how others handle seeing/witnessing/assisting hypo episodes. For the 3 (bad ones) he's had so far... I've held him and just repeated over and over "it's okay. it's okay. it's okay. it's okay."

The worst, and what sticks with me like some PTS experience is his crying/shouting/screaming out randomly "I'm SCARED!" and "STOP!" "STOP!" He's so terrified in the moment and it’s like he knows what’s happening, but doesn’t understand it- or how to stop it (not that he can) and it's so awful to watch him be frightened and not be able to help him.

 

But. You know what... He came out of it. He's okay. Daddy went to work. EH woke up. We've played dinos and cars and Let's go Fishin, and Hungry Hungry Hippos. We've watched Daniel Tiger and My Little Pony (yeah... I know... it's sad... he loves it). We've chased Daisy around the house, we've made 5 million messes, we've had a great day- despite diabetes trying to ruin it for us. We move on... We have fun. We live. That's how it's gonna be 2013... so get used to it.

Saul during a diabetic high (video)

One of the 500 reasons I hate Type 1 and what we've been dealing with here lately....

Diabetes Jekyll and Hyde

If you don’t suffer from some kind of neurosis prior to a T-1 diagnosis you certainly will after.

“But he looks great”

“He doesn’t look sick”

“You’d never know anything was wrong with him”

“He must be doing a lot better”

I’ll admit, I was probably the most naïve of all of us when it came to understanding Saul’s diagnosis. I know I’ve already discussed it- but when we were told Saul was “diabetic” I was like “uh. okay,” and kinda shrugged my shoulders.

My initial gut reaction was “God, it’s not that bad.” I still remember thinking “well… no more sweets” and “so he has to take shots… I can give shots” and there are tons of people walking around who are diabetic… (I mean… granted they’re all OLD)… but really, “What’s the big deal?”

I know that so many of you out there think the same thing… and feel the same way… because seriously… sometimes those same thoughts still creep up.

.… and sometimes I hear/and am part of conversations that go like this…

(speaker): “you know (so and so) is diabetic and they’ve had it for years….  and they’ve never had any complications. They live like a normal life and are fine. I don’t know why you get so upset about Saul having diabetes.”

(speaker): “yeah, we have all kinds of diabetic kids at our school so it’s no big deal, they just go to the nurse a lot.”

(speaker): “they have a pump and you’d never know it. They never make a big deal about any of the stuff you ever talk about.”

(speaker): “why do you make such a big deal about diabetes… so he can’t have candy and sweets-it’s not like it’s the end of the world.”

(speaker): “yeah our cat is diabetic. We have to give him shots. How cool is that that- our cat and your kid.”

 

Do I want Saul to walk around sick all the time- teetering between ketoacidosis and hypoglycemia? Do I want him to live a life of surviving one coma to the next…  one seizure after another?…. Do I want to constantly blog from ambulances and hospital rooms… just so I can prove to myself and the world that living with Type 1 diabetes is in fact, a life-threatening, inescapable disease that we all must learn to manage and control?

Counting every carb in every bite of food that enters his mouth, calculating doses of insulin and giving injections, waking up 3 and 4 times in the middle of the night EVERY night to check blood sugar levels… these things are easy in comparison to attempting to explain Type 1 diabetes in a toddler and how it effects that individual and their loved ones.

Several events have transpired since that “Debbie- Downer- Walking- Dead” post.

I had a thoughtful (albeit unfinished) conversation with my guru Ashley. I pondered similar thoughts outlined by Type 1 blogger Kerri over at Six Until Me. I spent several days this week suffering through “sick day management” while I myself was sick. I’ve dealt with a few too many hypo episodes following this last change in Saul’s insulin regiment.  

 

I know Type 1 Diabetes doesn’t have to be a death sentence…

But it also doesn’t mean settling.  

 

November is Diabetes Awareness Month.  I feel compelled to advocate. Not just for Saul, but for everyone out there affected by this crazy disease – whether they look sick or not.

You can help Saul and others by educating yourself- something I wish I’d done before January 27^th. 

Just one of the "D's"

So... I can't believe it's taken nearly 8 months for me to do this... or that it took Sebulsky 3 attempts to insert the CGM.

Either way... I've got two sites going... I don't have a pump with saline - just tegaderm covering the site where the needle is inserted. I'm only "wearing" the inserted cannula for the CGM site and have tegaderm covering it.

I won't lie... even with lidocaine (numbing cream) prior... The CGM insertion did not feel great. I wouldn't say it was painful... But I certainly felt it (and felt it, and felt it.... Lol.... Sorry Sebulsky 3rd times a charm). It remains uncomfortable- again... I wouldn't say it "hurts" but is def. present and annoying. After just 3 hours of wearing and an hour of cardio the site has started to itch and I find myself wanting to scratch at it. The pump site insertion felt like a like "prick" basically like a finger stick in the stomach. It does't hurt... its more psychological than anything... just the thought of wearing a tiny steel needle in your belly all the time is kinda weird. I was cautious at first with bending and stretching... I wonder if a cannula has a little more give and feels a little better? Maybe I'll ask Medtronic to send me a few different insertion sets to sample. Lol.

I wish we'd video'd Saul's reaction this morning. I asked him if I could wear his pump and he stared at me with a look of disdain and said "nooooooooooooo" shaking his tiny little head. Then he yelled "pump car mine." Lol. I guess I should be happy about this. That boy loves his "pump car!"

Stay tuned for more updates!

Traveling D Style: Our first "BIG" Trip since diagnosis

The planning prelude was, for me, the most difficult part of the process. Because this was our my first big trip with Saul away from home... and Dr.’s - I spent a great deal of time preparing for every possible glitch and malfunction.

Loaded. I {heart} the mini-van for many reasons. I have enough space to live out of the back of the sucka for a good month or two. BTW- 4 huggies boxes used as "carriers" during this trip. On my to do list is covering them with paper or fabric... recycling at its finest. lol.

Those of you who know me well- know I have never been “a planner.” Organization, efficiency and preparedness really never entered my vocabulary until Saul’s diagnosis (ironic that I would end up in a profession known for these coveted skills…lol).

I started by making lists which included most importantly *diabetic medical supplies and insulin as well emergency 15-carb items for treating lows (Elmo juices, skittles and of course Glucagon), low-carb snacks that could take heat and travel well (bags upon bags of pork rinds, peanuts, peanut butter, gold-fish) and of course clothing, swimming gear, car-ride toy & book bins, along with all the other random items we might need... bikes... helmets... snowsuits...  

These were "emergency" (not necessarily diabetic emergency... lol) snacks that rode up front with me.

I made sure to check-and double check all prescriptions to make sure we had enough to last and wouldn’t run out over the course of a possible 10-15 day stay.

I also planned for the absolute worst which would be a pump malfunction in which case we would have to go back to insulin injections. I made sure we took enough humalog AND lantus (long-lasting insulin) which he ONLY uses if injecting… just in case.

All of Saul's diabetic "stuff"

Because insulin must be refrigerated… especially during heat waves and long distances in the car I used my old Medela breast milk storage cooler which worked wonders. Luckily our mini-van has a built in cooler that’s come in handy quite a few times when traveling with refrigerated medications.

Good ole Medela breastmilk cooler bag for insulin. Nothing like a repurposed item.

*I also checked to see what hospitals would be covered by our insurance if, in case we did have an emergency that would warrant their use.  Knowing our luck and the Grimes curse… I knew it would come in handy… which in fact –unfortunately- it did.

Poor Litte Buddy leaving Urgent Care

I physically carry the kids insurance and social security cards with me at all times (I also have them in picture form on my I-phone) in case I would ever need them.

Due to all the frustrations we’ve had using the CGM I decided Saul would NOT wear it during the trip (though I packed it and all the supplies – including the MySentry) just in case I changed my mind or his BG levels started trending.

An hour before we left for WV I got an email from UK with the biggest changes to date- which worried me a little since Dr. Irene changed his basal rates, insulin to carb ratios AND target range… any little tweak or minor adjustment can really “shake things up” so the idea of that possibility - coupled with a 4.5 hour drive by myself - AND during a crazy heat wave of 100 degree weather – was a bit frightening.

My parents farm is (what I consider to be) “a pretty remote” locale – a fur piece - from major groceries, hospitals and pharmacies... so making sure we were fully prepared (especially with the number of power outages experienced in that area) was crucial.

Traveling with young ones (whether or not they have medical issues) can be difficult. Schedules are wacky, sleeping arrangements are different, car rides are looooooonnnng and often boring (even when you’re equipped with DVD’s, CD’s, I-Pads, toys and books) so of course I had my fair share of all that. 

I tried to stick to our routine eating schedule as much as possible –knowing that verging from it could really throw off Saul’s numbers. I made sure to pack enough food with me at all times he’d have something substantial to tide him over.

Speaking of food... this pic was from our special Bob Evans dinner with Grandma. Saul ate pancakes, eggs, sausage AND birthday cake and still had great numbers.... and that was with me "guessing" carbs.

Overall, the trip was a major success and allowed me to “overcome” the fear of traveling solo –long distance with him.

Sure- we ended up at the local Urgent Care with burns to all 10 finger pads from a freakishly hot plastic slide at the playground..............

The pictures just don't do it justice. They looked awful... and he was pitiful... and it meant we had to do all BG checks on the toes... which he HATES.

Sure he had a few readings in the 400-500s from being dehydrated from the heat (all of the 15 min he spent in it)...........

Saul (like most everyone else in the world) does NOT enjoy a heat index of 108

And sure…. We had our share of the dreaded lows… with one hypo episode (nothing a few packs of skittles didn’t cure)................

Skittles... my new best friend.

Overall, however, despite a few minor "obstacles" I’d give our trip a 10 out of 10 rating.... and I think Saul would agree.

If you'd like to see lots and lots of pictures from our trip - check out Sebulsky's flickr site and please ignore the TERRIBLE pictures of me at the Clay Center and the fact that I'm bascially wearing the same thing every day. lol.

Friday "Filler" {scratch that} Saturday "Sickies"

Written on Friday, June 22 1:00 pm

So I really wanted to sit down and continue with the riveting saga from yesterday… an ode to clean clothes and fresh linens… or even start a new post about our overly exciting errand adventures this morning… nothing like dragging along 2 cranky kids to 4 different “non-kid friendly” establishments…

Yet each time I’ve attempted to sit down for more than 5 seconds someone or something from somewhere is requiring my attention.

So we’ll see how far I get with this one today.

Grandma (to EH & Solly) Mom Sebulsky (to me) got us this really cool “money counting” jar thingy a few years ago. 



"The counting money jar thingy"

I’m a sucker for “As Seen On TV” crap… especially around the holidays and I gotta say… her gift has been uber cool and def. used. Harper (and now Saul) love sticking coins in it especially cause they get to watch it “add all up.” and it shows them the total. I keep it sitting out in the laundry room and we’ve been randomly putting coins in it for a while.  Harper knows it’s our “shared” bank so generally when she finds any money she runs to her own piggy bank… which is why I was surprised to glance over and see we’d reached a whopping $50 while in the midst of my “washing spree” the other day.

Although it says $50.00 we actually came home with $51.74. The little money counting dude who lives in the lid musta made an error.

I figured we better go ahead and cash it in… especially since we’ve got a busy weekend ahead of us.

Saul ready to roll...

Harper so excited she was actually "taking pictures" of our her money jar

I knew Harper was excited about going to the bank for $$.... until she got out and saw this massive spider... then I witnessed "real" excitment. Unfortunately we didn't have our bug jar with us in the van. She was very disapointed by that.

She begged me to pour the coffee out of my coffee mug and use it as a "bug holder. I agreed to take 500 pics with my phone instead.

One of "Mommy's old kids" who helped us at the bank. Thanks Ashley!! I miss you!!

And as if spotting a giant amazon spider and walking out with $50 cash wasn't enough.... Ashley hooked us up with some sucker action!

* Stopped writing/adding a ridiculous amount of pictures on Friday, June 22 1:00 pm (coincidently to answer that previous question)... this is how far I got… lol

I’ll add in a little “Mom of the Year” stuff for your enjoyment… I stopped here because I got tired of yelling screaming at Harper to GO TO SLEEP. I think I might have even added a whispered “freaking” in between the YELLED “TO” and “SLEEP” several times. She tried napping on two different couches in two different locations and on 2 different recliners before she ended up on the floor.... finally after suggesting to lock her in the closet or tie her to the train table I just gave up and pacified her by saying screaming …. Just go in the playroom… get a stack of books and DON’T TALK TO ME FOR 15 MINUTES!!!!!! She was good and quiet for all of 35 seconds.

She was sooo sooo sooo sooo sooo excited that she couldn’t sleep… couldn’t rest… couldn’t nap… couldn’t STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT… our “special girls only night out Margret Dean.”

She had already picked out her dress, shoes and panties… combed her hair (a huge feat for her) and decided what she’d have for dinner and snack later at the movies.  She’d been preparing for this night for DAYS....

Here she is with her "Brave app" which is actually REALLY cool... cause it reads the story to you... which means... maybe I'll get a free 3-4 minutes of peace.

… anticipating the pure joy of

1. Seeing MD

2. Talking and playing with MD

3. Eating & playing at Chic-fil-A with MD

and finally…

4. Going to the “real fe-at-er to see Brave with MD”

The night started off perfect with plenty of giggling, singing and scary story telling on our way to Lex.

Harper non-stop talking

MD non-stop talking

We continued the excitement with nuggets and the good ole indoor playground

Thanks Britt for the pic! btw... we cracked up at the little dude in the background

… even made it to the movies on time with twizzlers and popcorn in hand…..

MD, EH & Merida

And through the first half hour of the movie….

and.

then.

She got a little weird… whispering to me during the movie “Mom… I need an icecube for my head.” Of course I laughed her off and was like… “huh?... all the while shoving another twizzler down her gullet.” A few minutes later she wanted to sit on my lap… (this was the real tell-tell sign) this was followed by “Mom I gotta go potty” and then “Mom my head realllllllllly hurts” and then “Mom my belly feels weird” at which point I started texting Sebulsky to say {… umm... get ready to come save me from a nightmarish vomit-diarrhea disaster that inevitably will take place ANY… FREAKING… SECOND…}

but.

She cried when I told her Jeff was coming and said… just let me close my eyes and stay with MD in the movie… which she did… and slept… through a good ¾ of the movie… that I continued to watch and enjoy… (another crowning “MOTY moment.”)

Suffice to say we made it safely home (to a plagued house of illness nonetheless) with little buddy running a 101 temp – nice, whiney and clingy… and Harper checking in at 102.4

Two sick sad Sebulsky's

Sebulsky &  I dosed them kiddos up, covered the house with as many towels and sheets as possible and promptly put them both to bed.

Fortunately we made it through the night… sans bodily explosions.

Unfortunately we haven’t been so lucky through the day today.

Harper is devastated because our Cincinnati outing has been postponed…

However between bouts of running to the potty and sipping on ice-pops we’ve managed to squeeze in a few good games of Candy Land.

I’m off to run YET another load of laundry… folks I’m telling ya… I live an exciting life

Oh… and please keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer for Saul… he can’t afford to get this… and if he does… someone please supply me with ample weaponry… i.e. plenty of insulin, Lysol, and diapers… oh and several boxes of wine for my sanity.

Taming the Beast

I somewhat feel guilty for being glad things got worse… I had really started to doubt myself after Saul’s BG levels miraculously started leveling a few weeks ago- couple that with an “excellent health report” from Dr. Irene and night upon night of endless, glorious, uninterrupted SLEEP… and I started thinking…  “Maybe we jumped the gun?” “Are things really bad enough for me to take an entire year off?” “Perhaps I could go back to work in a few months… say Oct?” and then… as spontaneously as things “had” improved… things “returned to the normal” we’ve grown accustomed too since the day of diagnosis - the never ending drama of constant ups and downs, the blips of “too high” highs and “too low” lows. As if this wasn’t reassurance enough… I felt even better when Sebulsky said last night out of the blue… “We’ve made the right decision.”

So since I practically vomit out my life on FB I have little to add to what I already discussed about yesterday’s hypo nightmare. If you’re living a life of neglect and do not use FB… here’s a recap.

After changing out Saul’s insertion site and CGM sensor we sat down to lunch. I did a half-A job of counting carbs and “guesstimated.” Because he’d been running so high, and because we bribed him with candy during CGM insertion,  I erred on “over” bolusing for lunch.

He lays down for nap. Harper goes to sleep on couch. 20 min later he’s still awake. I hear a thwap then a thunk then chuckles. I peek through the door and find CGM sensor & transmitter laying on the floor… he’d pulled off the tegaderm, ripped out his CGM and flung it across the bedroom floor. Most concerning is not the fact that he did it… but rather that it cracked him up… I fear he may find this form of entertainment so delightful that we’ll have to duct tape the sucker to him… At any rate I laid him back down and shut the door.  

An hour  or so later I was abruptly woken by a shrill, blood-curdling scream . Harper jumped up and said “I’ll go check on him.” A few minutes of silence went by (a rarity around here) and I actually thought that maybe… just maybe… he’d either gone back to sleep or they were quietly playing with stuffed animals.

I walked in to find Saul still lying down, red, sweating and totally lethargic.  His body was limp and he was unable to sit up. I immediately ran to get his meter – I actually thought he was headed towards DKA… since his numbers had been so high. Instead I was shocked to find his BG at 50. I again left Harper with him in the crib and got his juice. Because he was unable to sit up I had to literally open his mouth and squeeze the juice in. It was gone in a matter of seconds. Typically he comes “out of it” after the first sip or two… starts perking up… this time he remained lifeless. I ran back for more juice… thinking maybe I should grab the glucagon just in case. I resisted the urge to poor more sugar down calmly telling myself… wait… wait the 15 min… At which point I re-checked his BG to find he’d dropped to 45.

I won’t lie… at this point I was pretty scared. I ran back and grabbed another juice, a pack of fruit gummies and the pushpop we’d lured him with earlier. Amazingly… after all that sugar intake in only 30 min or so… his BG was still just 91- which is considered low for him.

It was on the 3^rd juice box that I got him to sit up. By the 3^rd or 4^th gummy I could get him to talk to me. By the time he’d made his way to the pushpop he was throwing cars at the fish tank… at which point I let out a huge sigh of relief.

I have replayed the entire scene in my head several times thinking things like … what could I have done differently… what needs to be in his bedroom in an emergency kit in case this happens again… I need to teach Harper how to dial 911 and what to say, I need to teach Harper how to give him juice if this happens again, I need to teach Harper how to check his BG… Is it too much pressure on her to act as my emergency contact person… she is after all only a mere 4 years old.

If you know her- you’d probably say no. She was pretty amazing yesterday-   and the fact that I relied on her to stay with him while I ran to get stuff says a lot. I said Harper just keep talking to him and hold his hand. While certain events are still blurry to me… I do remember vividly how funny she was… she said “Solly… you just listen to me little buddy… Once upon a time… there were Little Einstein’s…”

A few months ago I would have lost it. Ended up calling 911 and had an ambulance on its way… but I channeled some “get your crap together Grimes mojo” and just pushed the sugar. I don’t really get those sayings I see all over pinterest… the “Stay Calm and ______________” sayings… however yesterday I kept repeating… stay calm and cram sugar… stay calm and cram sugar… lol. Maybe I’ll jump on the “stay calm” bandwagon.



Don't worry... I didn't document in the midst of a diabetic emergency... this was the aftermath... pump suspended, candy everywhere, empty juice boxes... lancets and meters... I thought it kinda "nicely summed things up" lol.



I just realized this is an incredibly boring, poorly written post.

Should. Stop. While. I’m. Ahead.

But will end on this note.

I saw this in a book last week and I couldn’t agree more.

I'll admit it.

I used to be one of “those” people.

I used to think… “Diabetes Smiabetes what’s the hoopla?”

Then I see what the beast can do…..

However… recently… instead of being afraid of the big D beast I’ve come to a point where I’m feeling kinda motivated to kick some big D beast butt… I’m cleaning it clean for you Mom.  

I cue the music in my head

I close my eyes

I slap on my gloves

I gobble some egg yolks

Okay… I won’t lie… I’ve never even watched a Rocky movie… but today seems like a good day to start. 

Food. From V to D.

I was a vegetarian for a good 5-6 years or so when I first moved here to Kentucky- partly because I grew health conscious- and- partly because I liked the challenge of testing my will power. While a bit of a struggle at first, over time my taste preferences evolved and eventually I grew to hate the sight of meat, especially in raw form. I couldn’t stand to walk by meat markets or delis or even step foot in BD Mongolian grill (lol).

My relationship with food had changed. I looked at food differently. I contemplated it more, ate less of it for pleasure and more of it for fuel and spent way more time in the “living foods” and “healthy options” section than the “cereal aisle” or “potato chip aisle” (consequently spending way more $$ as well).  

Then… I got pregnant.

I vividly recall the exact moment in time when the hankering happened. Sebulsky and I were driving through Georgetown to  watch the GRC boys play in the state championship soccer game when… all…of… a… sudden… I had the most ridiculous… yearning… craving… desire…..

(for a juicy, thick, delicious steak??)

oh no…  I forced Jeff Sebulsky at pointed finger gun point, to take me to McDonalds for a cheeseburger. I can still remember the smell of those fallen diced onions , the slight crunch of the not-so-fresh bun and that oh so tasty tiny thin burger that was devoured in seconds and was so i.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.y. delicious after all those years. 

And that my friends… “is all she wrote.” I’ve been eating meat in all its forms and glory ever since that monumental, ceremonial craving back in October 2007.

Food became “fun” again… corn dogs at Fairs, making late night runs to the border, and yes… I actually started eating more than “plain biscuits” at McDonalds again... curse you Mikey D's and all that crack you lace in irresistible fries and nasty but ohhhh soo sooo sooo yummy nuggets.

Then… I got a diabetic child.

Being a parent of a Type 1 toddler quickly changes a lot of things in life. At just 4 months in- I would say the greatest challenge and most difficult adjustment has been food and meal related.

Because once again... I struggle as my relationship with food is transformed.

Since January 28^th I have had to count, measure and review every single piece of “edible anything” that has entered Saul’s mouth.

Though it has gotten easier - every meal still consists of a meticulous 3 step process: 

1. Carb-counting, balancing protein, measuring serving size

2. Getting Saul to eat (every measured bite on his plate) which he doesn't do (because really... ? what toddler ever does anything you want them to do)

3. Scraping every leftover food item from his clothing, high chair, floor, ceiling and walls so that it can be measured, calculated and deducted from what DID make it into his mouth so an accurate does of insulin can be bolused  by his pump.

Sure I’m much better at it now than I was back in January:  the routine, the counting carbs, knowing serving sizes, balancing meals with lots of protein and healthy diabetic friendly food choices…

- attempting to actually eat out in public where the painstaking process is openly visible. - No matter how desperate my endeavors are at keeping things on the “DL” we have yet to go anywhere in public with Saul & food where someone, outta somewhere hasn’t questioned the practice or given us a verbal (or non-verbal) sympathy.

And while I’ve/we’ve advanced from novice to proficient… dealing with “food” and “eating” is still just as annoying as it was 4 months ago.

I tell myself that I have an advantage over other parents because I have experienced living with food-restrictions (though mine was by choice not need). I tell myself that this is a good lifestyle change for the entire family - not just Saul... and maybe he will lead others later in life to make good healthy food choices because they want too not because they have too.

I tell myself… you never know… maybe I’ll get so inspired I go back to full-fledged vegetarianism (Tofurkey 2012 it IS!) … okay Sebulsky… I can see cyber “eye rolls.”

Hey-  even you can’t deny a love for some good ole' deep fried tofu….