During a daily twitter check, I stumbled across a girls you-tube video about non-diabetics supporting those with diabetes. She looks to be in her mid-twenties and she offers advice (I'll paraphrase) "don't nag" "ask how to help" "be patient." I gave it a re-tweet and "liked" on Facebook and now I'm sitting here thinking about what she said.
I've actually been thinking alot this morning... mainly about the future - Saul's - and... mine.
I thought to myself... man... I wouldn't want to be his pre-school or Kindergarten teacher. I mean... come on... if you think those folks have it easy... well... go observe some classrooms. I keep thinking... if his BG doesn't get regulated and it seriously continues to be a 24-7 managment of highs and lows what in the world are we going to do with him? Where will we send him? I'm not going to send him to a classroom with 26 other 5 year olds. What if he's like his Dad... and just "deals with things" never tells the teacher when he's feeling high or low cause he doesn't want to bother anybody or get in trouble. What happens when other people (lots of other people) witness his crazy personality changes... "hulking out" at high numbers and slipping into a quiet lethargic state during lows.
Will he be proud to show off his pump and monitor to all the kids on the playground. Will he be embarrassed and hide his pump and tubing so no one sees. Will he be sneaky and sometimes use diabetes as a means to go to the bathrrom or sneak candy who shouldn't eat?
How much should I be involved? Do I let him advocate for himself starting at a young age? Should I stay on him constantly about taking care of himself. Should I expect daily reports when I'm away from him?
I'm not a coddler. In so many ways I'm a hands-off kinda Mom... but how do I balance supporting him- teaching him- loving him without letting the "Big D" get in the way of a normal mom-son parenting realationship.
The "rough patch" that started about a week or so ago continues. The 24 hour My Sentry reading is ridiculous. I can't help but feel guilty like it's my fault... like maybe I'm not counting carbs correctly... maybe I'm waiting to late to bolus... and I can't help but wonder... will he ever feel guilty? Feel guilty for eating one too many cupcakes... feel guilty for being "difficult"... feel guilty for causing others to worry, stay up late, needing help... or worse... will anyone else ever worry? Will his teachers care.... or be frustreated that they have to deal with him... dread getting "that one."
How do I raise him to let the guilt go... to just accept it and move on. How do I raise him to laugh things off and find the humor in the cards we are dealt? Maybe I need to start with myself.
This is my outlet for rambling. A space on the interweb where I will attempt to explain what life is like as a full-time pancreas. I'm a librarian (on hold) and a lover of coffee and cardigans. I'm a Mom to a dino obsessed T-1, 3 year old, and a tutu-wearing, bug wrangling, Montessori 5 year old. Sebulsky & I constantly debate the creation of our own sit-com... this website could serve as the pre-pilot rough draft.
I had a little diabetic boy in 2nd grade last year...and I couldn't have imagined anyone else being his teacher :)Although you have to be very conscious as to what's going on in the room (snacks, candy, parties,etc)the kids are TOTALLY fine! I promise! It's the adults that worry too much! For treats, we had sugar free popsicles and for parties, pepperoni and string cheese:) The kids also take care of one another. I'll never forget my sister in law worrying herself sick about my nephew, who is blind, starting school. He was a star and everyone loved hanging with and helping out Aaron if he needed it. He'll survive it, and you will too! :) Love you! Love you! :)
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