To blog or not to blog....

Each and every time I flirt with the idea of returning to work, Saul’s diabetes jumps out of nowhere  and screams “FOOLED YOU!”

*sigh*

I'll save that discussion for another post... I’m currently dealing with another bout of illness and round-the-clock –sick- care- management which means... I say to myself… “how could I ever work a full-time job when I gotta deal with this?”

I spent November contemplating my role as a caregiver, Saul’s Type 1 diagnosis, and whether or not diabetes (or my discussion of it) was worthy of a blog.  

I kept asking myself…

Aren’t there far more important and pressing issues to be discussed in the world?

Shouldn’t I just stop talking about diabetes all together?

Am I doing more damage by constantly droning on about a Type 1 toddler?

I say “I’m not gonna let T1 define him… but by constantly talking about it… am I not doing just that?

 

 

A mother of a non-T1 kid made a comment to me not too long ago. She was telling me about a lady she knew who had a T1 child. She mentioned something along the lines of “you’d never know her kid had diabetes, or that anything was wrong or different about him.” “She does such a great job of taking care of him that it’s like there’s nothing wrong with him and nobody knows.”

 

Because I overanalyze everything- my first thought was….

1.       I do a terrible job of taking care of Saul… because I’m always talking about what’s wrong with him, and everybody knows.

2.       I gotta stop blogging about diabetes… it’s like it’s all I ever talk about…

 

So I purposely decided to try and not blog about Saul and T1.

Which worked for a while…..

But ya know… it’s hard not to think about it,  write about it, let it define me, or my career, or keep Saul from doing everything he should, would and could be doing at any given moment.  

 

Diabetes is always here. It never leaves. From the moment he wakes up till the moment he goes to sleep it’s constantly checking, entering, measuring, counting, deciding, injecting, problem-solving, back-tracking, planning, extracting, worrying.

It’s a full time job…. and that’s on a good day…. a regular day… a day when he’s not sick.

 

I’m not naive. I know things could be worse. I know it’s not about me and shouldn’t be about me and maybe blogging about it all isn’t what’s best…. But sometimes I feel like it’s my only outlet.

Maybe someday Saul will look back and appreciate it… or maybe he’ll wanna kill me… either way… he won’t be able to deny…. he is a pretty entertaining character to follow.