This post makes about as much sense as a 3 am hypoglycemic episode.
No surprise there is a direct correlation between Saul’s fluctuating BG numbers and my unpredictable emotional outbursts. Yesterday we were flying high… today I’m slumping by. I have an animated adjective to match every rising and falling BG level.
Writing is my insulin. I’ll inject you with my words.
Sadness. Disappointment. Frustration. Judged. Poor. Incapable. Wish-washy. Embarrassed. Let-down. Left-out. Upset. Relieved. Blessed. Happy. Appreciative. Excited. Nervous. Anxious. Curious. Hopeful. Doubtful. Wondering. Optimistic.
I confronted my apprehensions today and finally communicated my intent. “I’m requesting a year’s leave of absence” and as I said it… I felt myself melting into a puddle of emotional gloop, questioning myself immediately even though the decision had been made a week ago.
The fear of reality hit hard once the announcement was made.
Maybe it’s self absorption… maybe it’s a coping mechanism… maybe it’s neither… but I feel like surely someone out there might care or understand the emotional mess I find myself in.
Jeff say’s people expect it- they figure I’ll stay home with Saul for a little while longer till he’s a little older - a little more stable… a little bit better at communicating.
It still feels weird.
It’s hard shifting identities… it’s even more of a challenge adjusting to life on a one salary income.
But….
This decision might just be the best decision we’ve ever made and this year could turn out to be the best year of our lives. A one-year-to-date-follow-up-post will prove me right or wrong… either way I know this much… I’ll be spending each and every day with my sweet boy and for that opportunity I’m thankful.
Although the way it came about wasn't ideal, I have a feeling your life will be filled with many moments that you will feel blessed to have experienced over the next year. We keep you all in our thoughts and prayers constantly. Maybe we can catch up this summer! :)
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